Dorothy Rosby
Contributing columnist
I am “naturally at ease with others” and “always the life of the party.” And yes, I realize that’s contrary to what you think if you’ve ever been to a party with me. But according to the “What Your Fragrance Says About You Quiz” which I came across recently in a woman’s magazine, women like me who choose “crisp clean” fragrances are both of the above, not to mention ambitious and energized. That may also come as a surprise to you.
Those of you who choose other perfumes have other fine qualities. Citrus: You have a youthful spirit. Woodsy: You are a problem solver. Floral: You embrace your femininity, which explains why men rarely wear floral.
Of course I seldom wear any actual perfume myself, but the scent of my deodorant is “mystic rain.” That would seem to qualify as “crisp and clean” to me. And it’s proof positive that I am the life of every party…at least those to which I wear deodorant.
Magazines provide such a wonderful service with quizzes like this one. By answering a few probing questions, we can learn so much about ourselves. I know I have. “What is Your Relationship to Food?” (See it, eat it.) “What is Your Arguing Style?” (Always right.) “What Does Your Hairstyle Say About You?” (That twenty some years after I cut off my long straight hair, I still haven’t learned how to fix it.)
Besides wanting to know ourselves better, we all want to be validated, acknowledged, even praised. Aren’t you longing to finally hear the words, “You are glamorous.” “You have real innate elegance.” Or “You are independent and creative.” You can read all of that and more just by answering the eight questions in the “What Your Accessories Reveal About You Quiz.” (Mine reveal that I’m cheap.)
I was very pleased to find that I am confident and self-sufficient based on the “What Your Nail Polish Says About You Quiz.” Women who wear pink nail polish are romantic. Those who wear unusual colors, like black or blue, are rebellious. Those who wear red are born leaders. And women like me, who wear no nail polish at all, are confident and self-sufficient. Based on their use of nail polish, a vast majority of men must also be confident and self-sufficient.
As valuable as these quizzes are, it would be irresponsible of me not to point out the potential dangers in taking them. Say you take the “Personality Profile Test” and discover that you have none. Ouch.
Or what if you start out the “How Happy Are You Quiz” feeling pretty darn good and discover after ten questions that you’re more miserable than you thought.
What if you take the “What Is Your Working Style Quiz” and find that you would be more productive working alone, a fact your coworkers may have suspected all along.
You could be happily married at the beginning of “Who is Your Celebrity Soul Mate?” and after tallying your score, discover that you would be better off with Brad Pitt. What are you going to do? Call him?
It’s even possible that your test results could contradict each other. Maybe the “How Bright is Your Aura Test” says you exude peace and harmony, but the “How Well Do You Handle Conflict Quiz” says you upset people just by walking into a room.
Or the “What Your Fragrance Says About You Quiz” might say you are “naturally at ease with others” and “always the life of the party,” but the “Getting to Know You Lifestyle Quiz” says you’re a loner and recluse—even if you do use mystic rain deodorant.
(Dorothy Rosby is the author of three books of humorous essays including Alexa’s a Spy and Other Things to Be Ticked off About, Humorous Essays on the Hassles of Our Time. Contact [email protected])